As expected, there has been a wide variety of reactions to the news: from heartfelt congratulations to how-could-you-do-that, and from tears of joy to shocked silence. Even though it was expected, it is never easy to take. Being on the hormonal emotional roller coaster and constant nausea doesn't help either. But alas, everybody is entitled to their opinion, just tough to be on the receiving end of judgement. After the initial shock has passed, most have been very very supportive, which is what really matters in the end.
My own reactions have been all over the place. From giddy excitement with the first positive test to disappointment on the second not really negative test, and from amazement on seeing a beating heart to hopeless nausea. The hormonal emotional roller coaster is real!
I have also been very nostalgic, wishing my Apo were here comforting me with her wonderful soups. So I have been reading through a Chinese cookbook Suli gave me years ago looking for recipes that remind me of my tummy filled childhood. None of the soup recipes are like the soups Apo used to make, but I might as well try. Today I have two pots boiling: chayote carrot soup and ham rice porridge. They take so long... 4 hours at least each. This is why Apo would start her soups first thing after getting out of bed.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
8 Weeks 1 Day
I had my first appointment with the OBGYN today. I actually didn't know what she was going to do other than tell me all the dos and don'ts. My randomly chosen OBGYN is Chinese and very young, which is cool because so many times I have been told I look too young to do what I do. I was surprised when I was told I would get an ultrasound! Already? AGH! Excitement. And that way we would find out more accurately how old baby is.
The verdict: Baby is 1.68cm long, which puts it at 8 weeks 1 day! Due date: August 8, 2012. GASP!
It is so much more real now... to see this tiny squirmy thing with a fast beating heart. AWE. And if you look closely, it seems it's wearing sunglasses. This baby is going to be cool!
Imprecise Science
So I found out that the supposed due date is very imprecise. I always thought there was some test or way to find out when the day of conception actually was. I was asked when the first day of my last period was, and that is the day to start counting. Mine was Nov 1. Or was it Nov 2? I'll stick to Nov 1. This gives us a due date of Aug 13. Or 8, or 16, depending on which chart you use. So for now I will just say August.
According to the symptom chart, I should be on week 7.
I have been nauseous, so nauseous. Morning, afternoon, night, it wakes me up from sleep. Not good. I have to continuously eat small bites to keep the nausea at bay, but I tire of thinking what else to shove down my throat. I have no appetite, just nausea. If I go too long without eating and then I cram something in, I will likely throw up. Misery sets in, for fear of eating something else that will make me throw up but if I don't eat I will continue to feel so terrible. What to do?
To help with sleep and nausea, the doctor advise to take Unisom... after a quick online search, it was first designed for nausea, but causes sleepiness, so now it is used as a sleeping aid. I guess it helps also that it works on the nausea which is what was keeping me up in the first place. However, I worry about taking too much of it and becoming dependent.
All of this is quite overwhelming. I have to admit a few times I've broken down in tears. Poor P doesn't know what to do. And neither do I. P reminds me the nausea will pass, and the second trimester will be much better. Are we there yet?
According to the symptom chart, I should be on week 7.
I have been nauseous, so nauseous. Morning, afternoon, night, it wakes me up from sleep. Not good. I have to continuously eat small bites to keep the nausea at bay, but I tire of thinking what else to shove down my throat. I have no appetite, just nausea. If I go too long without eating and then I cram something in, I will likely throw up. Misery sets in, for fear of eating something else that will make me throw up but if I don't eat I will continue to feel so terrible. What to do?
To help with sleep and nausea, the doctor advise to take Unisom... after a quick online search, it was first designed for nausea, but causes sleepiness, so now it is used as a sleeping aid. I guess it helps also that it works on the nausea which is what was keeping me up in the first place. However, I worry about taking too much of it and becoming dependent.
All of this is quite overwhelming. I have to admit a few times I've broken down in tears. Poor P doesn't know what to do. And neither do I. P reminds me the nausea will pass, and the second trimester will be much better. Are we there yet?
Shock & Awe
Dec 10: Day of our work holiday party. I wake up feeling a little out of it, but I have a long day of baking ahead as I committed to making desserts for the party. On the menu: chocolate chip cookies, gingerbread cutout cookies, lamingtons, berry crumble. Halfway through the baking I am exhausted and must lay down for a nap. Still feeling woozy I manage to finish all the desserts and get ready for the party. The whole time I felt a knot in my stomach. I had a little beer with my holiday fare, made me feel worse. What is wrong with me? I can usually eat a lot... I survive long enough to be the last one at the party to help clean up. As soon as I get home I collapse in bed. I wake up in the middle of the night... and I throw up. Am I getting the flu?
Dec 12, 13, 14: Insomnia. Still not feeling so great. Some nausea during the day. Can't sleep through the night so I feel exhausted.
Dec 14: P says: should you take a pregnancy test? Hmmm... Really? What are the chances of that happening. I have always known I wanted kids. Could it be? So on the way home we stop at the store and get the tests. I take one... positive. I am giddy with excitement. P is in shock. I take a second... negative. I am disappointed. P is still in shock. I go to bed wondering what if I was pregnant? Another sleepless night. I wake up very early and take 2 more tests... both positive. P brings me the test from the previous night, the second "negative" one was actually a very faint positive. There's no denying it now.
Dec 15: I make an appointment with my primary care physician for Monday Dec 19 to confirm what we already know. That night we go out to dinner at our fav restaurant, where the best meal is raw oysters to start and the medium rare wagyu as the main. I remember not to have the oysters, P has to reminds me I should probably have the steak a little more cooked.
Dec 19: At the doctors office, I tell her my tale and she is surprised I'm not convinced already with 4 positive pregnancy tests. At my request she orders a blood test. Surprise surprise, I am pregnant. I go to the pharmacy after my appointment to get prenatal multivitamins, but am overwhelmed by the options. So I call Suli and tell her the news, at which point I start to cry and the emotional roller coaster starts. Suli tells me what brands she took and is very supportive.
Dec 12, 13, 14: Insomnia. Still not feeling so great. Some nausea during the day. Can't sleep through the night so I feel exhausted.
Dec 14: P says: should you take a pregnancy test? Hmmm... Really? What are the chances of that happening. I have always known I wanted kids. Could it be? So on the way home we stop at the store and get the tests. I take one... positive. I am giddy with excitement. P is in shock. I take a second... negative. I am disappointed. P is still in shock. I go to bed wondering what if I was pregnant? Another sleepless night. I wake up very early and take 2 more tests... both positive. P brings me the test from the previous night, the second "negative" one was actually a very faint positive. There's no denying it now.
Dec 15: I make an appointment with my primary care physician for Monday Dec 19 to confirm what we already know. That night we go out to dinner at our fav restaurant, where the best meal is raw oysters to start and the medium rare wagyu as the main. I remember not to have the oysters, P has to reminds me I should probably have the steak a little more cooked.
Dec 19: At the doctors office, I tell her my tale and she is surprised I'm not convinced already with 4 positive pregnancy tests. At my request she orders a blood test. Surprise surprise, I am pregnant. I go to the pharmacy after my appointment to get prenatal multivitamins, but am overwhelmed by the options. So I call Suli and tell her the news, at which point I start to cry and the emotional roller coaster starts. Suli tells me what brands she took and is very supportive.
This blog...
This is a personal journal on my journey to become a mommy. All opinions expressed are solely mine and should not be taken out of context. Read at your own discretion.
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